Music expresses EVERYTHING.

^only thing keeping me sane right now.

:(

along with a car to drive there of course! :P

• Closest grandfather died in July
• Other grandfather is dying right before my eyes
• Father upset
• Mother upset
• Brother PMSing
• Other brother in bad situation
• Sister-in-law’s a bitch
• Don’t get to see the brother that actually understands me
• Probably failing school
• Don’t even care anymore
• Self-confidence is shot
• Friends have new friends
• Pretty much alone all the time
• Hate the feeling
• Can’t do anything about it
• Not bad enough to go to therapist
• Don’t want to go to therapist

And I bet no one realized this until they saw this. And better yet the people I’ve told all of this to don’t even care.

:( Now I’m all alone and in pain.

Anybody want to talk?

What if we got outside ourselves and there

 really was an outside out there, not just

 our insides turned inside out? What if there

 really were a you beyond me, not just

 the waves off my own fire, like the waves off

 the backyard grill you can see the next yard through,

 though not well — just enough to know that off

to the right belongs to someone else, not you.

What if, when we said I love you, there were

a you to love as there is a yard beyond

to walk past the grill and to get to? To endure

the endless walk through the self, knowing through a bond

that has no basis (for ourselves are all we know)

is altruism: not giving but coming to know

 someone is there through the wavy vision

 of the self’s heat, love become a decision.

^^Why can I type it in less than thirty seconds but I cannot recite it in front of people? :(